As I look over what I write so much has changed- My vision has significantly deteriorated, as well as my left side.
This week, my parents are moving my room to the first floor because the stairs are becoming a safety concern. I'm ok with it but it is just hard to face how sick I am. I hate being so reliant on others but I need a lot of help these days. I'm so lucky to have patient and caring parents. I couldn't do this without them.
"How do you live?"
Will it rain today? Will I get a bonus this year? To an extent, we all live our lives with a level of uncertainty. But some questions are unique, and harder to answer. Will I wake up tomorrow and be blind?
People who meet me in public never know that I’m sick until they are told. Even at the hospital, I have wondered if those in the waiting room think I’m accompanying one of my parents. Not until they see the tape on my arm from the IV do the suspect that I might indeed be the sick one.
For most people, they do not need to shut their eyes wondering if it is the last time they will see. But for me, the doctor’s aren’t able to estimate the probability that I could go blind at any moment. There is a new tumor that is growing on my optic nerve that has already stolen all vision in my right eye and threatens my left eye with every passing day. More than likely, the optic nerve tumor came from a loose tumor cell from the original brain tumor. Even the most recent treatment, gamma knife, has the ability to stop the tumor but also to at anytime take all of my vision.
Sometimes you don’t need your eyes to look at your blessings. How do you live your life? Do you see what I see?