Friday, August 19, 2011

...each day is a gift from God.

Well, sorry about the last mopey post! I did need a kick in the pants.

I'm home in NJ now and I realized that all of these emotions and hard times have less to do with my new apartment, and moving back to NYC and more to do with being scared and not knowing what is going to happen next.

But, for the next 7 days I'm off to the lake with the family for some reading and relaxing. Can't get too much sun because my scalp is INCREDIBLY itchy. Anyone else experience that post radiation? I don't remember it being so bad during radiation but now... my oh my.

Keep calm & carry on

Monday, August 15, 2011 need a kick in the pants.

So this is way harder than I expected. I guess several big life changes at once are a bad idea. I finished treatment, I left my parents house after 5 months and moved into a new apartment in New York... yesterday. While I am super excited about my new location, my roommates, etc... it's just so much harder than I expected.

I feel alone. I feel like I'm going to get sicker eventually, so why try. I feel like I just want to go back to my parents couch and sit with them and watch tv. I tried to watch the shows we normally watch and couldn't even get into them. I tried to play words with friends (something I have done every day since being in the hospital) and I didn't have any words to play. I can't figure out my purpose and why this is all happening to me, and it's just so terrifying and makes me feel so alone.

I'm going to dinner at a very dear friends house tonight and I suppose that will be good. I just want to give up but that is not in my nature at all. I just didn't expect to have this much trouble.

I'm asking everyone - please pray for not only my health, but for my spirit. I know that I will get through this with a smile, just right now it feels extremely hard and isolating.