So this is way harder than I expected. I guess several big life changes at once are a bad idea. I finished treatment, I left my parents house after 5 months and moved into a new apartment in New York... yesterday. While I am super excited about my new location, my roommates, etc... it's just so much harder than I expected.
I feel alone. I feel like I'm going to get sicker eventually, so why try. I feel like I just want to go back to my parents couch and sit with them and watch tv. I tried to watch the shows we normally watch and couldn't even get into them. I tried to play words with friends (something I have done every day since being in the hospital) and I didn't have any words to play. I can't figure out my purpose and why this is all happening to me, and it's just so terrifying and makes me feel so alone.
I'm going to dinner at a very dear friends house tonight and I suppose that will be good. I just want to give up but that is not in my nature at all. I just didn't expect to have this much trouble.
I'm asking everyone - please pray for not only my health, but for my spirit. I know that I will get through this with a smile, just right now it feels extremely hard and isolating.